Let this go
by JennaWade
Summary: Post 4.11 My version of what I think could happen.
1. Conspiracy

**_AN: I obviously do not own Grey's Anatomy. Just borrowing some wonderfully created characters to make my life a little more fun. :)_**

Meredith sat staring intensely down the road of past mistakes and impending numbness. She wanted it badly. She could almost feel her throat instinctively heat up as she stared at it. Her cheeks prickled and saliva entered her mouth to act as an imminent buffer. She kept her hands in her lap to keep from impulsively picking up the shot glass and throwing the tequila down her throat and into her soul. Her eyes began to burn as she engaged in a high stakes stare down of one of her many vices. Here was the catalyst from which all other mistakes would stem. Yeah she had Daddy issues. Mommy ones too. But hell… she could normally keep those locked away, just like everything else. It was usually only with the help of a little tequila did they begin to surface. And surface they would… with a vengeance. Here it was… the source of the long fall down into the pit of despair that she was now residing in. It all began in this bar. Still staring at the tiny glass filled with amber liquid, Meredith could tell the evening crowd was starting to pick up. She knew it was time to go.

"Meredith sweetie…" A familiar voice broke her reverie and she narrowed her eyes one last time at the glass before looking up into the friendly face of Joe. "If you stare at that thing any longer I think it might explode." He said with a grin.

Meredith's features softened noticeably as a little dry humor found its way out. "Yes I know I'm supposed to drink it Joe. But I'm not going to. This is me staring down the devil or whatever."

The friendly man chuckled. "Well you've been coming in and paying for drinks that you do nothing more than stare at for almost two weeks now. Personally I think the devil ran for the hills a few days back. Couldn't stand the heat." Joe winked.

Meredith sank back into her hole a little. "This is it Joe. Right here." She finally picked up the glass as she held it up for him to see. "I may have many, many issues…but this right here…this is what makes me act on them. And I'm tired of it." She reached over the bar, poured the shot in the sink and set the glass back in front of her. She stared at the empty glass and took a deep breath. She wanted to feel empowered. Better off somehow for taking the high road. But just as every other time she abstained from drinking in the past few weeks, she felt nothing. She still felt the same. No better. Bitterly she knew she was doing the right thing. "Dealing" or whatever. But this was definitely not the way she preferred to do it. She preferred the pain free way. Obviously that didn't exist.

"Well… I hope this won't be the end of our friendship. People don't understand the kind of position we bartenders are put in when alcohol causes other people's problems. We somehow become the devil's advocate." Joe said impishly.

"Of course not Joe." Meredith said earnestly. "And I did my own advocating of the devil. I would never think to blame that on anyone else. Least of all you." Meredith reached down for her purse to pull out money for her wasted drink.

"Don't even think about it Meredith." Joe said emphatically. Meredith tried to protest but Joe waived her off. "A little tequila does wonders on those drains. Saves me some time at the end of the night."

Meredith conceded. "Well thank you Joe. I think I'm going to call it a night." She said reaching for her coat.

"Anytime sweetie. Just don't forget about me." Joe grinned as he made his way down to the other side of the bar. Meredith saw her chance and snuck a couple bills under the empty glass before spinning around awkwardly and came crashing into a pair of people. A pair of strong hands caught her as she bounced off.

"Meredith?" A voice asked. A voice that both warmed her heart and iced her veins at the same time.

* * *

_Explain to me this conspiracy against me_

_And tell me how I've lost my power_

_Where can I turn? Cause I need something more._

_Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so unsure._

_Tell me why I feel so alone._

_Cause I need to know to whom do I owe._

* * *

**_AN: So this is shorter than I thought it would be. Haha. It looks so much longer in Word. :) Hopefully it doesn't suck so far._**


	2. All We Know

**_AN: Again… I do not own Grey's. Which is why I must work. sigh. Which is why I can't write all day. Oh do I wish. ;)_**

Meredith looked up wildly into the eyes of the love of her life. It took her a minute to register what had happened. And her fearful eyes darted to the right for a brief second to realize who the second person was. Rose had a look of mixed shock and annoyance. Meredith wanted to die on the spot.

She had been successful in eluding Derek and Rose together since they had started dating over a month ago. She had seen one or the other at various places in the hospital, but never together. She tried to avoid his surgeries as much as possible, spending as much time with Dr. Bailey as she could get away with. Plus she could just send one of her interns to his surgeries if need be. She knew Rose; "the circulating nurse" was not exactly "circulating" as much as stalking Derek's surgeries. She tried not to look at the board anymore than was necessary. Their names were constantly written together, like they should be carved in a damn tree.

Anger briefly flooded Meredith's thoughts. Territoriality was at the forefront of them, but embarrassment quickly swept in and brought her back to the present…in the grasp of Derek's very capable hands. A jolt of electricity jumped through her veins as she stared back into two very confused faces. Meredith wrenched herself from Derek's grasp and started to retreat.

"S..sorry…Der..Dr. Shepherd… R…Rose." She choked out. "Sorry…I was just…leav.." Her sentence was cut short as she backed into a chair and almost lost her footing again.

Derek made a move to help her but Rose discreetly held him back.

Meredith instantly flushed as she regained her balance. Without another word she exited the building. Derek was left staring after her retreating form. This fact was not lost on the dark haired woman who still had the back of his coat between her two fingers. But she did not miss a beat and nonchalantly smoothed out the back of his clothing. "So…what will it be tonight Doctor?" She motioned to the bar.

Derek shook himself out of what just happened. He cleared his throat, plastered on a smile and turned around. "Ahhh…the usual I think."

Rose smiled triumphantly and turned to flag down Joe. Derek let his façade drop for a brief second as he began to comprehend the awkwardness of what just happened. He had been lucky so far to not have to face Meredith with Rose on his arm. Guilt overcame him. _What if she needed help getting home_? He thought. She clearly was not in a sober state. What if something happened to her and he just sat there._ No Derek. Worrying about Meredith is not considered moving on. She is a big girl. You are here with Rose_. He looked up for a brief second to see what she was doing. Rose was talking to Joe excitedly as he was pouring their drinks. As Derek looked at the bartender he reasoned that Joe would have never let Meredith leave if she didn't have a ride of some sort. So he felt a little better.

He knew they should have picked a different spot. But Rose gave off a vibe that she was worried that he was ashamed that they were dating. He never took her anywhere near the hospital and she didn't miss that.

He quickly brought himself back to the present as Rose made her way back to him. "Here you go Dr. Shepherd." She said slyly as she handed his drink. "I thought instead we could grab a table in the corner over there. It seems quieter…and dark." She grinned mischievously.

"Ahhh…indeed it is. A martini for you tonight? That's different." Derek said slightly nervous. "I thought you said you were a lightweight."

"We will just have to see what happens." Rose said brightly.

Derek tried to match her enthusiasm as he let her lead them to the table. He tried to will it into place but to anyone paying the least bit of attention knew it was a long shot. Rose was blissfully ignorant and Derek… Well Derek was only fooling himself.

* * *

_It takes some time to let you go and it shows_

_Cause all we know is falling, it falls._

_Remember, cause I know that we won't forget at all._

* * *

**_AN: So yeah Mer ran into the worst people imaginable to her right now. She's been playing the avoidance game again but not for the same reasons as she normally does. She's actually trying to work on stuff by herself, but it doesn't make for good progress when she goes and runs into the source of the problem. And well Derek is trying to move on with Rose. But trying and actually succeeding are two very different things. He's going through the motions but is his heart really in it? Rose is nice, polite and "there" but what does that actually mean??_**

**_Sorry I took so long to get this up and it's still short :/ I had the craziest day! And I'm in for another one tomorrow. So hopefully I will be able to get up another chapter tomorrow night. But I will probably be quite tired. Anyone who works serving doubles will know what I mean. Thank you so much for reading and for reviewing. I appreciate it more than you know._**


	3. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

_**AN: So today was long just as I expected. I'm so dead tired. And I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Yay me. This is a bit longer than my other chapters so far. Thank goodness. It's from Meredith's perspective so I hope I captured her frustration and inner voice correctly. Hopefully it's believable from her POV. Again I do not own Grey's even though I wish I did. Ha. Keep on a wishin' darlin'…**_

Mer POV

Stupid, stupid, stupid! You knew this would happen Meredith! You just destroyed a whole month's worth of avoiding… And what do you get for it? Painful humiliation. You knew it was only a matter of time before they made their debut into "society". Even if it was only Joe's. In they came, parading around as Seattle Grace's new golden couple. Oh yes… didn't she just look smug and annoyed with me…Who the hell does she think she is? I'm the one who should be annoyed! That conniving, opportunistic bitch. I mean seriously!

And could I have acted any more like a complete moron? I cringe as the scene replays in my mind. He must have thought you were the world's biggest spaz!! Or just drunk. Which I guess would make more sense to him. Because Meredith abstaining from anything would never compute in his over-inflated brain. I start to see the see the scene play in my head as I would have liked it to happen. This would include me not tripping over my own feet… twice and it would _not_ include me landing in Derek's arms. Also I would have never had the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look that was undoubtedly adorned on my face. And I would have said something nonchalant and witty excusing myself from their presence without a second thought. But of course not. I looked exactly as expected. In all of my jumpy, rambling, depression-filled glory.

My mind is still reeling as I dig in my purse for my keys. Well if he did think I was drunk then he obviously didn't care if I make it home ok. He just stared at me like I was something to be pitied. And Rose probably hopes I drive into the bay. Well too bad for everyone I am completely sober. I will make it home just fine and even make it to work on time tomorrow… hangover-less. Eww. Screw responsibility and maturity. They make for boring people. I'm glad Cristina is not here. She might kick me.

I finally locate my keys and my vehicle. My cheeks are still flushed and the adrenaline is still coursing through my body. I take a few deep breaths before I unlock my door. I take one last glance toward the bar and a new feeling takes over.

It's the feeling that creeps in at that very moment when the last bit of hope drains out of your soul. The tiniest ounce of hope that you hold onto as you think he might still love you. But I realize the Derek Shepherd I knew and loved would have come after me. Whether he thought I was drunk or not. McDreamy is dead. And I killed him. Pushed him away one too many times. But that's Classic Meredith to not notice something when it's biting me in the ass…only when it has already walked away.

I realize it now because the void that is left in its place is throbbing with emptiness. I was fulfilled and I didn't even know it. But what do I know about being whole? It just never felt like it was mine to be had. Of course now I realize what a terrible mistake I have made. But there is nothing left to fix. Nothing left because McDreamy is dead.

The air is brisk on a rare clear night. The stars blaze against the jet black night. The moon is lacking tonight and the darkness seems appropriate. Before I make it all the way home I stop my jeep at a park overlooking the city. It's such a beautiful night and the view of Seattle is incredible. I sit on the brick wall at the edge of the hill. With my knees up to my chest I think about everything I have put Derek through. A month of no alcohol and no sex gives me nothing but time to think about everything I've done wrong. He was right. I walked away. Walked away whenever I pleased. I avoided. I hid. I never explained what I went through the day I drowned.

As I look down toward Elliott Bay, an instant chill creeps into my body. I shut my eyes and I'm back in the water. The cold air stings my lungs as I take a huge breath in. The dreams started about a week after Derek started dating Rose. There were three of them that kept recurring. Kept _circulating_.

Some nights I'm on the edge of the dock, the sky is getting darker. The air is growing colder and I can't find my jacket. I can't see anyone but I know there is something happening beyond what I can see. I try to move to find out what is causing all of the commotion, but my legs wont move. Someone has a hold of them. But before I can look down to see who it is, I am knocked backwards into the water. The fall feels like an eternity and then I usually wake up. Other nights, I'm already in the water. It's murky and freezing. I try to breathe but nothing happens. I sink to the bottom before I realize I'm supposed to be fighting. I begin to fight my way to the surface but I never have enough breath to make it.

The last dream in the series is something different entirely. The backdrop usually changes; Seattle Grace lobby, Joe's, the OR, or even my own living room, but the scene is always the same. The dream starts off under normal circumstances until Derek and Rose burst through the doors and instantly the crowd I didn't know was there surrounds them. They announce they are getting married and the whole room swoons excitedly. It's usually about then that I start to cry uncontrollably and the whole room turns to laugh. Derek looks at me disgustedly and Rose wears a triumphant smile. I continue to sob until I wake up to find myself actually crying.

These dreams make me feel weak. They are my own personal version of nightly hell. Even when I am trying to let it all go and move on…they trap me in an endless cycle of depression. They are everywhere and I can't escape. Derek and Rose... Rose and Derek…

Derek…he doesn't even know. He doesn't know that he was the reason I made it back. And now what have I done with my second chance? Used it for sex and mockery. Denny is probably shaking his head right now. He never would have wasted a second chance with Izzie.

What ever happened to my would-be epiphany that I have intimacy issues? Oh right… My mom died…Susan got the hiccups and Thatcher disowned me…again. And who was the one person who stuck with me through all of that?

I really don't know what Derek ever saw in me.

But then again…I was trying. Trying to get ready for Derek. Even after everything I went through last year, I was trying. But apparently it was neither good enough nor fast enough. This just solidifies my knowledge that Derek didn't want to build a life with me…just with someone. Someone who wanted the same things as he did. Which apparently he has found in Rose. Miss "I keep a ring around my neck". Who freaking does that? Like a ready-made wife complete with ring and formal dinnerware set. Which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me… I thought he already had had a wife. A gorgeous, brilliant, classy neonatal surgeon of a wife. Hell… I'd vote for Addison any day of the week over the sneaky, conniving, circulating nurse who kisses your boyfriend or whatever when she knows you guys are still having breakup sex.

But she's a whole other issue for a whole other day. We are mad a Derek right now. He's the one who pushed me to get ready for the marriage and the house…equip with rooms for the kids. Gulp. I mean seriously, I already have a house! He's the one who wanted me to grow up. And he never noticed all of the steps I was taking. He wanted leaps and bounds. And maybe I would have been able to get ready for those things but not when Derek was pulling me along like some stubborn mule. That's no way to get Meredith to do anything.

So maybe this just never was meant to be. Maybe he and Rose deserve each other. New Non-McDreamy Derek doesn't do anything for me. I am completely immune.

Except that I'm not. The flutter in my heart tells me otherwise. My dreams that make me wake up crying tell me differently. He's everywhere I go. He invades every thought that I have. _I wonder what Derek would say about this… What would Derek think about that? I wish Derek were here_… Every damn day. It's positively maddening. But how can you still love someone who is obviously moving on with the circulating nurse? Very easily apparently.

I take a deep breath and force it out in frustration. As if I didn't have enough things to worry about. Like my career among other things. What specialty might I choose? No, now I have to worry about how to successfully maneuver around _their_ surgeries. Bailey is going to smell blood in the water. Not that general surgery was ever off the table for me. It's what my mother did. I just wish I could make an unbiased decision. But "Derek and Rose" do not make for unbiased anything, they are forcing my hand...or my scalpel. I just wish I could forget about the whole freaking thing. Some retrograde amnesia would be extremely convenient right about now.

I finally decide I've spent enough time wallowing for one night and I head home. Luckily no one is there when I pull into the driveway. I want nothing more than darkness and silence for the rest of the night. But I know that's too much to expect. But one can hope.

* * *

_I never wanted to say this_

_You never wanted to stay_

_I put my faith in you_

_So much faith in you_

_And then you just threw it away_

* * *

_**AN: Ok so Mer had spent the last month sober and celibate. She's trying to get her ish together. Even though her natural defense mechanism is still to hide and avoid she's trying to figure out exactly what went wrong between her and Derek. But she also doesn't blame everything on herself. She knows the way he was asking her to do things was not the right way for him to ask her. He was trying to guilt her into it a little bit. And if he could pick up Rose so easily well then what did that say about his feelings for her? So yeah she knows she messed up but Derek did too. Thanks again as always for reading. :)**_


	4. Lovesick Melody

_**AN: I do not own Grey's. If I did I wouldn't have to work tomorrow. Oh well.**_

Derek crept silently around a tiny downtown apartment, quietly trying to collect his few pieces of clothing that Rose had managed to apprehend from him before she passed out. He glanced over toward the bed at the woman who was clearly still passed out drunk. He was secretly thankful that she was indeed a lightweight.

They had been dating for a month now. The first two weeks were great and he was sure he had made the right decision. He and Meredith were just too incompatible. It was always difficult between them, it never just flowed. They were constantly hitting roadblocks. With Rose it was easy, what you see is what you get. She was sweet and lavished him with attention. He was so surprised at first. He didn't know how to react to not having to fight for the attention, Rose just gave it to him and he didn't even have to ask! He was elated…finally things were coming together for him. And then three things began to happen…

First, all of the attention was starting to make him uncomfortable. He didn't feel entirely comfortable with any public displays of their relationship. Especially within the hospital, but she was there, all the time... all over him. He was actually starting to get annoyed with it, which was something he hadn't expected. It didn't help that pretty much the entire hospital was tuned into what was happening this week in his love life. It felt like every time he came around the corner some group of nurses was talking about him. It shouldn't have be anything new. He went through it before… but this time it was somehow different. Different and annoying as hell.

Second, he was becoming bored with her, because what you saw is what you got. There were no surprises…nothing new to learn. Nothing extraordinary about her. It felt like such an enormous let down. She had seemed so intriguing to him at first. And it really wasn't her fault; he figured that he had sort of built her up to be more than she was and used her as an escape. There was nothing wrong with her from what he had experienced, but it wasn't at all what he had expected. He felt guilty for even thinking about her like this. She had done nothing wrong. He didn't want to be unfair to Rose. She didn't deserve to be drug through the mud with him. He was so sure that this was the right thing for him to do and now he wasn't so sure.

And the third thing, and of course the most inconvenient of the three…He began to miss Meredith. He figured it might happen eventually. But eventually was much different than actually…especially when "actually" was only after two weeks. He tried to banish the thoughts of her, but they would not retire. She was always at the forefront of his thoughts. He began to become distant with Rose because he would see Meredith's face every time he looked at her. And then once again, he would instantly feel guilty. Meredith was no where to be found, avoiding him and here was Rose… always around. His emotions were bordering on rollercoaster. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. But what he did know… was that he didn't know what to do about any of it. So he stayed put. And tried to make the best of it with Rose…he felt he owed her that…but she was starting to get suspicious of his distant behavior.

And then there was the fact that he could not bring himself to sleep with her yet. That hadn't gone unnoticed by her either. He told himself that he was just taking it slow. His last relationship started off with sex and that's where it stayed. So he was turning over a new leaf. Trying something different. _Yeah right_. Said a cynical little voice in the back of his head. _Go ahead and tell yourself you're taking it slow because you don't want to mess it up_. That voice knew the truth. That voice knew he couldn't even think of having sex with anyone but Meredith. He had not foreseen this obstacle when he first jumped at the prospect of "moving on". _Sex is just a means for complicating things anyways_. Said the other voice in his head…the determined rationale-seeking one.

The battle raged on inside Derek's head as he searched for his pager and keys.

_I like Rose. She's pretty, nice and there. She's not running away all of the time. She's not Meredith_.

_Yeah and she will never be Meredith either_. _Rose is not the one you can't stop thinking about. You may like her… but you will never love her._ The cynical voice taunted.

The argument came to an abrupt halt as Rose shifted in her sleep. Derek froze. Effectively silencing the voices in his head. He held his breath as he waited for her to wake up. She didn't. He slowly crept out of the bedroom to search in the living room. He spotted the rest of his belongings on the couch next to Rose's purse. He didn't remember how they got there but he thought back to the chaos of the night before when he tried to get a very drunk Rose into bed while she was trying to undress him. He spotted a pad of paper by the phone and scribbled out a quick note blaming his early departure on a page. He was going to try and find some ibuprofen for her, but thought better of it in case she were to wake up. With one last glance into the bedroom he sighed and left the apartment to go to the hospital to get caught up on some paperwork.

* * *

_I've gone too far to come back from here,  
But you don't have a clue  
You don't know what you do to me  
I've come too far to get over you,  
And you don't have a clue  
You don't know what you do to me_

_Can't someone stop this song,  
So I won't sing along  
Someone stop this song,  
So I won't sing  
Your lovesick melody  
Is gonna get the best of me tonight  
But you won't get to me if I don't sing_

* * *

**_AN: So Derek…he's a little confused. Deep down he knows Meredith is the only one for him. But now he has entered Rose into the equation because… well because he's a dumb mule sometimes. In the worst possible ways. But anyways… now he doesn't know what to do with Rose because he doesn't want to just give up on her. Yeah they have a connection but it's very superficial and he has finally realized it. But what happens when you make someone out to be more than they are? When you set the expectations too high and the other person doesn't deliver. He can't see himself just dumping her for no reason. The guilt is playing on him heavily… oh what in the world to do?? So for now he's just going to plug along and not rock the boat. But we will see just how long he can keep it up. Rose knows that not all is well in the La La dreamland she's been living in for the past month. But will she call him on it or avoid it altogether…._**

**_Okay so I can't even believe I got this chapter up tonight. I was going to tweak it a little more but I think I might ruin it. So here it is, and mind you…I was at work for 15 hours today. Yikes! Sorry it's a little short again but its all I could do for now. Thank you so much again for reading and reviewing. It makes me want to update more often when I get encouragement. So thank you all!_**


	5. Emergency

**_AN: Still don't own Grey's. Still work too much. I'm working for you guys now too! Haha._**

Derek was tired…and not the good kind either. He knew what the good tired was. The kind where you were so damn tired that you couldn't even see straight. But then if you thought about the reason why you were so tired, it only brought a smile to your face. He hadn't been that kind of tired in…well, definitely over a month. This was the irritating kind of tired. And Derek was very irritated. As he waited for the elevator, he wanted nothing more than to go home, shower and sleep. But he knew if he wasn't at the hospital when Rose got there, then she would know that she was the reason he had left without saying goodbye. Well that was if Rose even made it to the hospital that morning. The odds were not in her favor that she would be able to hold that much liquor. She wasn't Meredith. _Damn it_. He thought. _Damn it, damn it all to hell_! He was internally kicking himself as he turned around to come face to face with the source of the majority of his frustration…alone on the elevator. 

_Perfect_. They both thought.

Meredith's brain told her to flee but her legs did not move. She was in no mood to deal with him this morning but she was here first, he should leave. But as she took in Derek's appearance, she wanted nothing more than to run. He was wearing the same clothes from the night before. His hair was a mess. He clearly had not been home. _No…no he was with Rose and he was up… all night. That is just so amazingly perfect._

Derek stared a Meredith as he made his way onto the elevator. She looked fiercely at the floor number at the top of the elevator. He couldn't tear his eyes away. She looked like hell…beautiful, but she definitely had had a long night. He instantly wished he would have made sure she got home okay last night. He finally looked away and pushed the button to his floor. The doors slid shut before anyone else could enter. The silence was telling. Meredith seemed to stand up a little taller in defiance. He might have laughed if it didn't make him miss her that much more. Derek cleared his throat and shook off the thought as the elevator lurched to life. 

"Long night?" He asked tentatively not knowing what else to say.

Meredith looked over at him and narrowed her eyes. "Clearly." She said icily. 

Though initially taken aback by her tone, he did not miss her implication. She knew he didn't go home. She was definitely familiar with what he looked like after a long night. And although she misunderstood the circumstances he didn't blame her for jumping to conclusions. He definitely would have. He tried to recover and explain himself. "Look Mer…I…" But before he could finish the elevator stopped, the doors rushed open and she was gone in a flash. 

"Well wasn't that just amazingly perfect?" He asked himself as he punched his floor number again impatiently. 

Derek did not see Meredith for the rest of the day, which was unusual. She was generally at least somewhere on the surgical floor. He usually would only catch glimpses of her throughout the day before she would be on her way again. She was never in one place for too long. But not today. Today she was¡bsent completely.ˆe was thinking that she was probably over in the clinic helping out Bailey before he instantly berated himself for wondering about her whereabouts…again. It was happening more frequently every day. 

And then Rose came around the corner and snapped him out of his thoughts. Guilt flooded his face. Guilt for leaving this morning. Guilt for wondering where Meredith was instead of Rose. But it was lost on her. She smiled as she made her way over to him. 

"There you are." She planted a kiss on his uncomfortable cheek. "I was worried about you. I thought you were going to say goodbye this morning." 

Derek's mind was stuck. _Shit. You didn't even think of a good excuse. You had all day._

"Uhh…Yeah I got paged early this morning. And I didn't want to wake you. How are you feeling by the way?" He asked, diverting the attention back to her. 

"Oh well you know… Don't play hard if you can't pay the price. I've still got a headache but at least the nausea is gone." She was a little pale but otherwise still as bright as ever. 

"Yeah well you drank a lot." Derek said rather lamely. He instantly regretted¨is comment¡s Rose's smile faltered. He contemplated on keeping his mouth shut for the rest of the day, clearly his foot was going to reside there for the remainder of it. He tried to smile to play it off. But she definitely looked disappointed. 

"Oh…well I actually wanted to talk to you about that." She said dejectedly. "I want to apologize for my behavior last night. I didn't behave very lady like. I never meant to try and pressure you anything you don't think we are ready for yet. It was not very classy of me to drink so much and come on as strong as I did. I'm actually quite embarrassed of myself and I hope you can forgive me." Rose finished with hope in her voice.

Derek really didn't know what to say. He had not expected the conversation to take this turn. He was sure that he was in for it. He was expecting yelling, and this made him feel even guiltier. She wanted to take it slow too. She obviously understood and accepted his reasoning for keeping the brakes on their relationship. This was a huge relief for him. Tension that was visibly building up within him began to subside a little. 

"Hey let's just forget about it alright? No harm done." Derek smiled sincerely. 

"Oh…good I'm glad." Rose said a little too earnestly and forced a smile. There·as anµneasy pause between them before Rose snapped back into play.¢?Well…uhh…I should get back to work."

"Oh...of course…Maybe you would like to catch some dinner later? If you're not too busy…" Derek asked awkwardly.

"Yeah! Sure!" Rose squeaked, her voice a few octaves above normal, before turning to round the corner from which she came. "Bye Dr. Shepherd." 

"Bye Rose." Derek said distractedly as his pager went off. 

As Rose made her way back down the hallway she let her plastered smile fall into a scowl without caring who might see her. She was beyond disappointed. It was not quite the response she was hoping for. He had basically agreed that she came on too strong. She knew when he wasn't there this morning that she had overstepped her carefully laid out boundaries. But she just couldn't help herself. 

When Meredith Grey practically ran them over last night, she had to jump on the offense. She was not oblivious to the way he caught her as she tripped over herself or the frantic heartbroken look in her eyes as she realized that they were in fact on a date. After Meredith practically climbed over the rest of the tables to get out of the building, he started to go after her. No doubt thinking he would protect her. Probably thought she was drunk. But she never would have made it out of there so quickly if she had been. No, she had it on good authority that she had been going into that bar and leaving sober for two whole weeks. She wasn't over him. He wasn't over her. So she had to take action, she wasn't going to let this go without a fight. It was a little ill-conceived, she knew that. But she thought she would have been able to hold her liquor a little better than that. But she guessed it had been a little too long since her binge drinking days. She would have to talk to Joe about making those drinks so damn strong. 

When she woke up this morning she felt like she had been hit by a semi. Her eyes screamed in protest to the light streaming in the windows. Her stomach was doing flip flops and her head was pounding. She ran to the bathroom but didn't ever end up having to throw up. When she came back out she realized Derek was gone. He must have found his pager and keys in her purse. She hoped by hiding them there that he would have to wake her up before he left. She found his scribbled note on the counter. He didn't make coffee or touch anything in her apartment for that matter. He just bolted. 

She had pushed him too hard. So now she was backpedaling in hopes that he might feel guilty for keeping her at arms length for this long. But that didn't go as planned either. He seemed relieved. Relieved that she was willing to take things slow. Relieved that she wasn't worried about the fact that he obviously didn't have any desire to sleep with her. Relieved that she didn't really "intend" to come on so strong. No… things were not going as planned. She needed a new game plan. If he thought he wanted to take things slow, she could make it seem like they were. She was slowly cracking away at the foundation of his infatuation with Meredith Grey. She had to step lightly if she was going to help him get over Meredith and help him fall in love with her instead. She had to make it seem like it was his idea. It wasn't easy but sooner or later it would happen. She was ready…he would be soon. 

* * *

_I think we have an emergency..._

_I think we have an emergency._

_If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong  
Cause I won't stop holding on._

_So are you listening?  
So are you watching me?_

_If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong  
Cause I won't stop holding on._

* * *

**_AN: Uh oh! Spaghetti Rose!…. Well Meredith had it right didn't she? Conniving and opportunistic is a nice way of putting it. Yeah she's after Derek and she's after him hard. She's a passive aggressive little witch isn't she? Wouldn't this be so interesting on the show? Finn was the nice guy…he fought for Meredith but he played by the rules mostly. My Rose plays a little dirtier…but never to your face. But will Derek fall for it much longer? Or will Rose crack under the pressure…_**

**_So I combined two separate chapters so this update is a little longer. Mine are always so short. Haha. Hopefully it's still interesting. I have a few different ideas where the story could go from here. I just haven't entirely decided yet. Ideally I want people to like the story, but the story I want to tell may be what some want to read and what some do not. Oh well… I guess you can't please everyone. Thank you again to everyone reading. Special thanks to those who review. It truly encourages me and gives me something to do when I get home from my long days at work. So thank you again and I hope you are still enjoying the story. :)_**


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